A Question of Values: When Nannies and Parents Differ

Gone are the Mad Men days where a mother’s life revolved around childcare and the home. In today’s society, 67% of children under the age of five are in the care of someone other than their mother for large amounts of their waking hours. This fact of modern life presents new challenges in the arena of instilling values such as independence, kindness and self-control in young children. Now more than ever before, someone other than the child’s parents is given responsibility for imparting personal and cultural values, and this shift could pose challenges when the caregiver’s values differ from those of the parents.

The question of values and who is responsible for teaching them is a vast one, but it’s an issue necessary for nannies and families to visit often. Chirp’s founder Alyce Desrosiers recently addressed this important issue at this year’s International Nanny Association conference in Cancún, Mexico, and shares a summary of her presentation below.

Nannies walk a fine line when teaching values to the children in their care. While some values are universally accepted (i.e. kindness), others can prove to be more conflicting (i.e. independence vs. interdependence). While it’s important for parents and nannies to maintain personal integrity and stay true to personal values, if those values are at odds, there’s a good chance a disagreement between nanny and parents will soon develop. How can nannies and parents retain their personal integrity while imparting the values most important to them?

Good nannies want to care for their ‘charges’ according to the parent’s values. That is why it’s important nannies keep an open dialogue with the parents and discuss the following points.

• Make sure you clearly understand your own personal values and recognize the ways in which you teach those to young children.
• Have a conversation with the parents. It’s important to know what values are the most important to them as you work to help raise their child according to those principles.
• Identify similarities and differences in values and how they are taught during the everyday routines of caring for the children.

Working through differences and coming to a compromise that both nannies and parents can feel good about is vital. After all, what good is it to teach children about what is important in the world if you don’t lead by example?

Photo Credit: Travis Swan/Flickr

The Nanny Parent Exchange: Open Communication Between You and Your Nanny

 

When parents and nannies first begin working together there is a mutual understanding of the importance of open communication. But as time goes by, even with the best intentions, open communication often doesn’t happen. Everyone is busy, the kids are sick, the holidays are approaching—there’s always a reason why that potentially awkward conversation needs to be pushed pack one more day.

Adding to this pragmatic challenge, parents and nannies can find it difficult to discuss important and yet emotionally charged issues. Is the child’s behavior getting out of control? Is the nanny not getting the laundry or dishes done while the baby naps? Does the nanny want more money? Are the parents chronically late coming home? What was once a small issue can escalate between nannies and families if open lines of communication are not in place, leading to annoyance and resentment.

Talking to your nanny about certain issues may be challenging—you may feel like she’s such a part of the family that you’re reluctant to tell her what to do, or you may be dealing with your own feelings of inadequacy as a parent for leaving your child with a caregiver. Chances are, every parent who has hired a nanny will feel face communication challenges at one time or another, as this New York Times article from 2010 describes.

Although written five years ago, the topic and themes woven through the article are still oh-so-relevant in 2015, and well worth a moment of your time to read—even if it simply helps you feel as though you’re not alone when it comes to nanny parent communication challenges.

The Nanny Parent Exchange: Open Communication Between You and Your Nanny

 

When parents and nannies first begin working together there is a mutual understanding of the importance of open communication. But as time goes by, even with the best intentions, open communication often doesn’t happen. Everyone is busy, the kids are sick, the holidays are approaching—there’s always a reason why that potentially awkward conversation needs to be pushed pack one more day.

Adding to this pragmatic challenge, parents and nannies can find it difficult to discuss important and yet emotionally charged issues. Is the child’s behavior getting out of control? Is the nanny not getting the laundry or dishes done while the baby naps? Does the nanny want more money? Are the parents chronically late coming home? What was once a small issue can escalate between nannies and families if open lines of communication are not in place, leading to annoyance and resentment.

Talking to your nanny about certain issues may be challenging—you may feel like she’s such a part of the family that you’re reluctant to tell her what to do, or you may be dealing with your own feelings of inadequacy as a parent for leaving your child with a caregiver. Chances are, every parent who has hired a nanny will feel face communication challenges at one time or another, as this New York Times article from 2010 describes.

Although written five years ago, the topic and themes woven through the article are still oh-so-relevant in 2015, and well worth a moment of your time to read—even if it simply helps you feel as though you’re not alone when it comes to nanny parent communication challenges.

Discipline and Limit Setting: Building Self Control

One of the biggest challenges parents and nannies face is teaching young children how to cope with very strong feelings. Often this learning experience centers on a discussion about discipline. How do you set limits? How do you teach children not to hit, bite or scream in pubic places? What do you do when two children are fighting over the same toy in the playground? What many parents and nannies may not recognize is that disciplining is helping young children through the developmental task of learning self-control. In order to follow rules and understand limits, children need to develop self-control. This process begins at birth and continues throughout the life span. Parents and Nannies working together teach young children how to control their strong emotions in infancy (developing self-soothing skills) through the preschool years (learning how to share toys and the attention of others). Zero to Three offers ideas and suggestions on how to teach self-control throughout the early years. http://www.zerotothree.org/early-care-education/family-friend-neighbor-care/discipline-and-limit-setting.html